9 ways to Alienate your gig crowds

Sometimes the best way to explain "How" to do something is to talk about how NOT to do it. So, at the risk of sounding sarcastic, here are some ideas for when you're onstage. These will help you avoid good crowd reactions whenever you play live.

1. Don't Practise your material
This will leave you free to look anxious and worried onstage and make sure you don't spend any time focused on putting on a "show" of some sort.

2. Leave Plenty of pregnant pauses in between numbers
Great for boring an audience and killing any mood your songs may have created

3. Look bored
This one will work best when all band members do it and generally it should encourage similar reactions from the crowd

4. Don't talk to the the crowd
Make sure you don't even say thanks after any applause or even "Hello" when you start

5. Adopt a fixed frown
Be cautious not to smile. Works well with 3 above.

6. Avoid any eye contact
The danger here is you can end up looking warm and approachable if you make eye contact. Keep your eyes on your fretboard (if playing guitar) for example. You'll probably need to if you adopt suggestion 1 above anyhow.

7. If you must talk to the crowd:
Don't do any preparation about what you're going to say. Just hope it will all come out OK. Ideally keep the content focused on you not them and try to ramble for as long/often as possible. Mumble as much as possible and ideally use heavy reverb when you talk.

8. Don't use a set list
The ensuing chaos, lack of "flow" is always good for poor audience interaction. This helps achieve number 2 above as well

9. Turn your back on the audience
Should be done from time to time for extended period for maximum results I shouldn't laugh really, my band was doing most of the above when we first started!


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